Weekend

Saturday watched Lisa's dressage lesson with Patrick at Wind Drift indoor. He helped Lisa and Tiara make an immediate change to huge big HQ engagement. From first level dressage to second/third quality. Stopped by on the way home and spent some dwell time with Try (thirty degrees and sleeting).

Sunday--again 30 minutes or so of dwell time--cold/wind chill.
Monday through Wednesday weather doesn't look do-able either--another sleet/snow storm coming.

Moved to New Bern in 1973--this is the coldest/wettest winter in my memory. In eastern NC winters we can almost always find 3 ride-able days per week. AND not just ride-able. I would really like to play with Try and rhythm in the circling game and that has not been possible for ?? weeks.

Conclusion--dwell time, go for walks together out on the county road, grab what little time works for whatever we can do. Lower expectations as consistency to achieve many goals will not be possible.

Wow - Finally a Day to Ride

Friday--the ring was ok to walk/trot and careful canter on the rail only in the ring and a section of Try's pasture at the top of the hill was ok for careful on line or liberty play.

When I went to Try's pasture--at first from 100-?150 yards away--she saw me and turned her back on me and walked over to the fence next to the yearlings. (On Thursday I stopped by the barn for a little dwell time and treats and she was happy to come to me.) My expression?? Anyway I walked out and around toward her HQ and she turned and came to me nicely.

Then I checked out a little yoyo--no energy at all.
Groom, saddle up.

In the ring: easy warmup then walk/trot/canter transitions so I can play with watching myself cueing, playing with Janice Dulak's 9 essentials for balanced riding, and checking out trot rhythm quality. The trot was absolutely not our best--could be the inconsistency/weather or even the lack of any dressage time in many weeks now.

I did play with riding with contact in MY body  but on a loose rein--ie pretending that I was connecting with Try's mouth--important for stability in the connection at the posting trot--it there if I think about it but not when I have to think about something else.
i.e. elbows at my side with back of armpit dropping down toward my waist, triceps engaged, forearms, hands and fingers relaxed and thumb index finger holding the reins then FOLLOW Try's movement.

Bethanna got me started with riding with soft feel/connection and then a bit of contact--before she regained amateur status and quit teaching lessons--she even found Keystone for me as my 2nd horse for a year. This is also consistent with Kathy's teaching--MH concentrates on developing Try more than my position. (thumb--thank you for the reminder Dawn--Kelly taught this last spring--I rode and drove my car with this for ages and then some how it slipped away from my consciousness.)

At the end of our ride I wanted to pick up a rope from the floor of the Judge's stand with my carrot stick and Try would not let me do it. She was ok being next to it but when I had to lean over to reach the rope she would walk away. We did this probably 10 times with no success. So I got off and got the rope and then Try happily sidepassed in so I could mount. GRR

I am wondering if my leaning off her RIGHT side is the issue to explore. I know she is less confident and have explored this various ways and times with Dan. Have a list of things where Try gets emotional and have had real success in reducing # and severity. (leaving the ring, bowtie as successes--have never fixed the opening the gait issues which is what happened at the Judge's stand)

Next riding out of the ring--some emotion/adrenalin came up (old habit)--and we fixed that pretty quickly. We do not leave without relaxation.

Lastly--back to her pasture and the best part of the day. We got to the better footing area and played hard with big energy, speedy reactions etc--improvisation. I Loved it--she licked and chewed and seemed so much more connected as well.

coping with winter weather LOL

So glad I am not alone in wanting some great riding weather and footing.

Perfect moments

Tuesday
Weekly phone call with my sister Mary--laughing, sharing, connecting.

Wednesday
So many great moments today--ie great time visiting with Rose Marie. But the #1 perfect moment was in Lowe's with Wendy (general contractor for home renovation) picking out stuff when we got to talking about the first time our horses saw the ocean. Lovely moment laughing and acting out, right there in the aisle at Lowe's, our horses reaction. A cool, RBE, alive, in-the-moment time.

Try did not actually do this but love the photo!! Thinking about Try and feeling safe--not only her unusual bravery and LBI laid back nature BUT after more than a decade together I can immediately feel fear/adrenalin etc coming up in her body and assess and protect myself.

Thursday: watching RFD-TV--Linda Parelli success with her horse/tears. (note also watched Lynne's lesson with Kathy and then lunch with Kathy)

Friday: playing with big energy with Try
Saturday: seeing Tiara make a huge, immediate change in HQ engagement.
Sunday: Downton Abbey--fully absorbed
Monday: pedicure in massage chair while chatting with Andrea
Watching the snow fall
Getting up and seeing the full moon
Valentines Day at Big Lots
Reading old newspaper accounts from early 1900's about my grandfather's family
Rearranging items in the kitchen
Walking with Try

Watching Dan Thompson and the exciting pony Roscoe with MH and Bethanna.
Driving in the car to run errands and savoring the 78 degree sunny weather while enjoying the happy, excited feeling at the barn on the moment of enjoying being together watching Dan Thompson with the babies and the feeling that great things are on the horizon.
Lunch with MH, BA, Dan
Watching Dan coach BA riding Roscoe

Magic moments
Try sidepassing at a trot on the driveway
Stick-to-me and the golf cart loving and responsive
Mustang going from fearful to ultimate relaxation
Planting flowers outside with C.H.
Having everything out of bathroom and ready for demolition

New Week - Fresh Start

Last week was a week of rethinking everything. This week can be a week of putting things back together in a way that is more authentic to who I am and what I want my life to be.

WHY?

WHY

• What is the legacy I want to leave? 
• I have begun valuable dance programs in my area 
• I have supported and mentored dancers and dance efforts
• I have supported and mentored horse people/playday group, facebook group
• I have supported my husband and been a true friend 
• I have supported my sisters and family
• I have taken great care of my horse(s) to the very best of my abilities and resources.
• what should be in my obit?
• achievement
• education: BA/MSW/JD//honors
• dance contributions: started 3 community programs, state board memberships
• state-wide recognition N&O, Gov.Award
• horsemanship love
• love of husband, family, friends
• recognition of mentoring: perfs dedicated to me by Paige, JTB, Arts Council Barry, ECU
• What does horsemanship study or even just being with Try mean to me?
• Something to do to bring happiness, joy and passion during this period of my life
• Gives me a passion that energizes me
• I truly must, as RBE, be physically active
• Something to do with Try that seems kind
• Try is my legs as I can't be as fully athletic as I used to be
• It makes me feel good to be with Try
• It makes me feel good to be outdoors
• Makes me proud and gives me an identity as a horsewoman.
• Excitement to turn horse on to learning and relating in a different way
• I love to really move with freedom - RBE fulfillment
• What do I want to do with the horsemanship knowledge I am acquiring?
• Not obvious at this time and perhaps it would make me happy and fulfill a present need if I can figure it out??
• Help horses be happier
• I need to some how prove a certain level of horsemanship competence
• Do not want to teach, travel, compete/perform--been there, done that--supposed to be retired
• What makes life worth living?
• Exciting challenges physical/mental/emotional that absorbs my attention
• law school--first summer
• dance--Mt Airy performance
• the excitement of achieving impossibilities
• BUT I think I have outgrown the need for quite that level of excitement
• Calm, organization and routine in moderation
• Sharing my life with others, an RBE must
• Being healthy
• being physically active
• being outdoors
• mental activity--new thoughts and organization of thoughts
• having a peaceful, organized, tidy, but not obsessive home
• learning, growing, improving
• making things better 
• supporting others
• being able to experience and enjoy my emotions
• What would I like others to say about me (when I leave the room).
• That I am a caring person
• That I am helping them reach their goals
• That I am smart
• That I am an incredible learner
• That I am enjoyable to be with
• That my horsemanship cueing and use of phases and timing is incredible
• That they admire my horsemanship (Parelli/dressage students do--hunters not so much)
• That sometimes I am crazy but in a good way
• That I have a huge joyous energy
• What would I like Try to say about me?
• That she loves me (she does)
• That I read her like a book
• That I am sensitive to her needs and desires
• That I take good care of her needs
• That I make her life interesting
• That she enjoys my being silly and funny
• That she loves all the cool experiences she has had with me
• That I am her good friend and we can have fun together
• That she would rather be with me than do anything else
• How do I define success
• Daily
• Organized home
• Fulfilled daily obligations to myself i.e. vitamins, floss teeth
• Balance of energy -- just the right amount of activity
• Having chill time
• Weekly
• At least a couple small horsemanship successes
• Clean desk, todos done
• Chill time
• Family time
• Monthly
• ???

Challenge: Have or find a perfect moment every day—be in that moment and savor it.

Time of transition and change?? Try and I both have a birthday in April and much as I would like to pretend that neither of us are effected by age and ignore it--she will be 23 and I will be 68 making us much the same age. Both of us are very healthy for our respective ages, with a bit of arthritis that isn't getting in our way all that much. Our learning/past careers/history do play into what we want now. Also there is a coming to terms with some changes in physical capabilities for us both that I will need to continue to consider. For example riding two horses a day (good hacks) 5 days a week is too much for me at this time. Actually it is the mental exhaustion that catches up to me sooner/more than the physical and being mentally wiped out when I have other responsibilities in my life does not make me happy.

WHY am I spending money on dressage lessons:

• Initially to try to create my own Linda Land.
• Some how I thought it was the path to level 4 finesse 
• Because I can and am fortunate to be able to do so. 
• I like to take advantage of opportunities
• To further my overall horsemanship knowledge.
• Because dressage is the underpinning and basis of horse physical development

Dressage lessons - How to adjust dressage learning to prevent boredom for Try. Watch Try's expression. Give breaks. Incentive to try harder in the moment. consider: fixing before it happens vs teaching responsibility. subtle nagging and micromanaging Can we pursue the most beginning levels in a way that promotes good physical health for Try without any connection to her front end--bit/halter/etc? Is there a much more laid back way to approach this?

What is my expected outcome?
A powerful, healthy, reasonably fit horse with curiosity about the process/learning.

WHY am I studying Parelli Natural Horsemanship?

• Initially to understand Try better
• To learn to communicate with Try in a loving reasonably effective manner
• To learn to read horses better
• Sense of community
• To feel a sense of success and accomplishment

WHY continue to study PNH?

• There is so much, so repetitive information that I find it hard to sift thru to find what I want: Can be overwhelming amount of information and task to absorb and apply.
• Video learning much more difficult way to learn than with instructor 1 on 1 in the present--leading to not feeling successful. Also--the topic based dvd series seem easier to apply than the monthly dvds.
• PNH--use of the same images and phrases over and over can desensitize--cause them to be parroted but not have much meaning behind them. Using creative new images and ways of expressing the same info promotes rethinking and learning.
• I have lost interest in progressing through the levels--doesn't seem like much fun for either of us. Not finding a place for myself in the program after passing level 3.
• Feeling disconnected after PNH shifting gold membership emphasis to that of increasing the number of instructors.
• Would be hard to wean myself away from PNH after so many years and friendships.

So obviously I am currently going through a total rethinking of everything about horsemanship, perhaps brought on by Dan leaving.

1. Why am I studying dressage and what do I hope to achieve? Am I having any success? Can I gain clarity and make it simpler--small do-able/learn-able chunks to find feeling of success within an enormously complicated subject? Can I become successful with homework and repetition on my own?

Can I keep Try happy while we study dressage (or anything)--should we plan that taking time off (i.e. winter/August) is a good thing? How do I really feel about riding with contact with the bit? How to terms with wanting dressage to be something fun and pleasant for Try? Boredom?

2. Why should I study Parelli anyway--have I gotten the best out of it with better means to achieve the same goals? Somehow materials not working for me for some time. No replacement for Dan.

3. Should Try and I just get together and have dwell time on the ground and passenger time in the saddle and forget learning anything? NO this would drive me crazy with boredom. Perhaps just until better weather?

4. Would having a second horse help? Do I have the time, energy and $$ for that on an ongoing basis? I am not willing to re-home Try--I have seen so many times horses not being cared for to the degree I need to feel comfortable about her care. Also we are so connected and a part of each other!!

5. Emotionally would it be possible to get out of horses altogether? NO and I NEED it to meet my need to be physically athletic.

I think this is valuable positive assessment/study, whatever the outcome, so I can be clear about what I want and goals in keeping with that. I like putting positive spins on everything--much of this is negative--must I dig through the negative to find a greater positive?

What is the progress I want--how to adjust to get the plan, picture feel I want.
Picture--Photo of Try and I with Dan in fall--I like how fit Try looks. BUT, this was in a lesson with Dan and I see a lack of confidence/relaxation and a touch of anger in her expression. (Dan was pushing us pretty hard to help overcome anxiety on her right side.)

I love the feel of our connected trot on a loose rein. Film trot rhythm this week if possible please.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Notes phone coaching Feb 4:

• Issue of making horse happy vs being effective. I am not alone.
• RBE --see it as my failure
• consider developmental stages of rapport, respect, impulsion and flexion. The initial step for me is to find the equal balance of rapport and respect so I can move to impulsion equal go and whoa without impulsiveness--then last able to get flexion with bending, softening, on the bit, without brace whatever. Each step going back to keep the balance of rapport and respect.
• RBE tendency to quit too soon to avoid upsetting my horse.
• Remember left brain horses will challenge/test you all the time--know that will be my journey.
• Driving game--play with this more than draw. i.e. Sideways away, circling, falling leaf Working on drive will make us better connected.
• Cueing circling game: on line: teach Try to differentiate which gait to pick up on the send
• trot--click, canter (click click for Pat, kiss for me) Be consistent. Teaches Try to pay attention to what happens before it happens. Click once as a promise.
• Click to prevent slowing the effort in the trot--no does not teach responsibility. Not Parelli. Leave her alone, release on her effort to neutral then my energy to drive until I feel her effort again.
• Western pleasure shuffling: taught Try to conserve her energy and effort.
• RB sensitive and in tune to relationship is advantageous except where horse pleasing holds me back.
• Quit too soon instead of pushing through to the picture. retreat. Game on--its RBE fun.
• Goal get to the middle of LB/RB human. Have fun.
• Play for expression and effort.
• Footing issues: dwell time and passenger on the county road.
• Moody mare: chasteberry Vitex see herbalcom.com 2 lb bag $5--lots of success. Vet coming soon to barn--will discuss all Chasteberry, Moody Mare, depo shot etc. Which, when, etc. I suspect the Moody Mare is no longer effective and if Chasteberry is any where need as good it will be better/less expensive. Depo shot--seems to have helped and might be a good idea during cyclical extremes for her which seem to occur relatively briefly a couple times a year.

Contact

• double jointed bit good bit to use
• pepper in--think soft touch is friendly game--following her no pressure not asking for anything, gain confidence, holding hands with the bit--no restriction. 
• It is not necessary to ride with connection. Can ride with precision without it.
• Simulations
• Reins mean go--I do get to use seat cue/engaged seat
• What is my direction: Am I progressing?
• Gorgeous big freestyle riding with an engaged seat???

Me

• Emotional today and rethinking everything. The darkest hour is before the dawn. Time for change and change is not easy??? Get off the merry-go-round that isn't making me feel successful.
• I want to achieve without being micro managed by an instructor. I thought to achieve what I was learning in lessons but is that really the picture I have in my mind? NO
• The picture: beautiful big free happy trot with loose rein--both of us with connected energy--Try stretching or coming up thru top line and connected to my abs.
• I have to find my own picture and flesh it out.

January

January Summary

·        Me—Setting myself up for success psychologically

o   Goal setting to stay focused and get er done as RBE

§  I want to take homework from instructors and achieve it

o   Using a big positive energy in relationships

§  Works better with both Try and Devon

§  Creates some friction with LBE people

§  My self-confidence is important as negative self-talk prevents me from achieving

§  A sense of “failure” leads to quitting to soon RBE

§  Celebrate the finish line

§  Self-awareness of people (and horse) pleasing

§  Jim Carrey big energy and sense of fun—permission to be RBE

o   My energy varies from day to day and I cannot always pull out that big + E

§  Ie. When I learned news of Dan leaving/worry over Try’s health

§  My brain is sharper some days than others

·        Try

o   HQ flexibility

§  Especially right side—this is improved

§  Difference in HQ yield when FQ are planted and when Try is moving

§  This is priority to Dan and MH

§  Played with cueing and yes if Try wants she moves HQ from a look on the ground and seat cue in the saddle.

§  In Dan’s terminology—she can move HQ with some reservations on the right side. She will move them for me when she wants to do so. We are not putting them to a positive purpose as yet.

§  Methods: level 1, Dan circling online, zone 5 driving wheelbarrow turns, riding—from standstill and leg yields from the ¼ line.

o   Health concerns, psychology

§  Try has been miserable, cranky and angry. She is not lame and it does not appear to be her hocks/join pain. Vet thinks maybe hormones and gave depo shot.

§  When we are together she releases the anger, relaxes and looks lighter by the end.

§  Try knows, knows, knows the games—it is all how much she wants/is willing to do it.

§  Even though I am being aware and releasing the horse-pleasing wimpiness, at the same time I am being aware of Try as LBI to be respectful with cueing and to avoid boredom through drilling. To some extent she just has to do what I want and get over herself.

§  We had some cool fun Jim Carrey moments

§  I put 15-20 minutes each session into doing what she wanted to do. Passenger/dwell/graze.

·        Me as a Rider

o   I can ride Try completely bareback with no bridle, string around the neck or carrot stick—for a short time walk and jog/trot until she gets bored.

o   Cueing

§  I always want to improve this—likely always will

§  Consistency is important!

§  I made a list of how I cue riding as I tend to take this for granted.

·        Even though I thought it was pretty good it seemed to me good to totally rethink how I use my body in cueing if the goal is ever lighter, more refined, more respectful cueing.

·        This led to testing myself for Parelli—“Can Yous?” of can I do upward transitions, downward transitions, halt, back from seat alone. I added testing it from a partial dressage test. Try and I worked on improving this and yes we can do it but lost precision.

·        It is good to stop and fix instead of tolerating a good enuf response.

o   MY FITNESS and use of my body

§  The cueing exploration led to rethinking

§  Dawn Roth and I have been talking about what she is learning in Linda-Land

·        Goal setting

·        Using seat, ab muscles etc.

·        Rhythm or forward before relaxation in the scale of training

·        Downward transitions to think forward

·        Using pommel in rising trot to build stability.

·        Grounding (not grinding or over weighting) feet in stirrups

·        Draping thigh and inner spiral of the leg

·        Thumbs press on reins

§  This led me to getting Mary Wanless’s most basic book on kindle

·        I love this and Linda’s use of seat muscles and lower abs—from dance I know know know how important this is to stability

·        I have not yet figured out all of this book but so far this is my idea of how to ride

o   Shoulder/hip/heel alignment, leg angle, release cheeks to be parallel in legs

o   Seat bones, and pad of muscles around them engaged and connected to lower ab engagement

§  Seat bones point down and connect with the saddle and only move slightly forward and back to cue.

§  Canter—with Try in bareback pad with my legs way front I can connect seat bones with her. In dressage saddle I struggle with this and pop out of the saddle when her rhythm changes. With Devon I can stay in saddle with big wipe of saddle until I get tired when rest in two-point when find the big wiping motion again.

o   Shoulders up, down and back to open chest while ribs knit inward and connect to those ab muscles

o   Thumbs, elbows connect to ab muscles

o   Collected overall energy in the body

·        Whew and getting that done HOW?? Can’t think about that constantly when riding. Pilates dvd really sets me up for good position/strength.

·        BA calls this being tight.

·        When I rode Devon I realized to sync with him requires more strength and stability in my body than riding Try.

·        I lose position in cueing, transitions and horse changing his/her rhythm.

·        I will not fix this entirely in the saddle—this will require homework away from the barn.

·        Distract myself, my having fun, getting more energy or varied energies from Try

o   Early in January I played with music riding and stick-to-me

o   Dawn suggested making a dream list of fun with Try.

§  Bareback and bridleless cantering on the beach

§  Galloping through the field

§  Big high energy play

§  Visiting with Try while she lies down

§  Connected energy for both of us—coming up through her topline while riding completely bridleless.

§  Mostly I think I don’t know how to have fun

o   Try’s monotone

§  Stick to me with music

§  Online circling and riding for rhythm—drive her til we get the rhythm I picture and then allow

§  Loosen the spring—lengthen gaits—especially in the field

§  Kathy’s serpentines

§  Doing the unexpected every session

§  Something new every session