Wednesday - thoughts about fears

If love and fear can not co-exist then the fear must go.

FEAR of being INJURED

Try: I do not recall ever being afraid of getting hurt BUT I also feel completely free to call a halt to anything that doesn't feel right.

What is the fear--the worst that can happen? That I am too old and not physically strong enough or a good enough rider and I will fall and be permanently disabled for a good long miserable old age.

Many injuries or falls in my riding past I have realized occurred when I was stressed in a lesson situation but not all. I also fell with Spiderman when he spooked. Also a factor several times was being over over tired.
When I am tired it is likely that my alignment is not good--rib cage collapsed rather than open.

Reminder:
1. not tired
2. open ribcage/shoulders back
3. trot on my balance point and more vertical
4. sync/mirror and match Sephira
5. soft feel for connection??
6. my legs resting gently on her body

I am safe riding when I trust my judgement and go with it.
I respect myself enough to rest and take a day off as needed.
I am enjoying setting an unconscious habit of riding physically for alignment and safety.

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FEAR of losing Sephira

I feel bombarded with negativity. I do not want to worry that if I am not safe I can not keep Facebook posts of riders falling, getting killed. This is fueling fear.

Yesterday riding Sephira I was careful to sync with her trot and transitioned to the walk frequently--partly for my shoulder and also to build confidence. I was never in any danger of being out of control.

I am enjoying riding Sephira's beautiful big suspended trot.

I love this horse dearly and have promised the both of us that I will care for her for the rest of her life. I think with my Parelli background I can create a wonderful situation for Sephira--admiration for her talent and her beautiful spirit, physically in shape in a moderate healthful manner, mental challenge of the Parelli program and philosophy and a great deal of love from me and others. Also a facility geared to the upmost comfort, safety and relaxation. On the other hand, Sephira can give to me--the chance to learn more about the physical development and capabilities of horses, the opportunity to become a better rider by riding a very different horse physically than Try. Sephira can give Try a break. Sephira and I can connect on a deep level.
I feel we must be together.

I am so grateful that Sephira and I have found each other. 
We are both enjoying getting to know each other.
Sephira and I are so very attuned to each other.
I am aware and not taking riding for granted until Sephira and I know each other well.
I can say no. I do not need to "tough it out."

Tuesday - First ride with Sephira

Today I rode Sephira for the first time since my accident. I was afraid and still have fears that I am now too old to ride such a horse. However it went well.

Mounting: Easy--she stood and nearly went to sleep before we walked off. She will walk from a stand still from my seat cue alone. After walking a considerable amount of time we alternated walk with trot. I did not trot for long at a time to protect my shoulder. I was pleased that some how I seemed the most in sync ever  with her big trot. Several hints for safety--

1. Riding on my balance point in the trot rather than forward as in hunt seat. (more vertical posting).
2. Making a new habit to have my legs resting against her side in case I might actually need them. LOL
3. BA recommended to trot with soft feel to help both of us.
4. My 9 points pilates--alignment especially open rib cage--

So the good stuff:

1. I rode and trotted.
2. I overcame fears
3. I synced with the trot
4. She was a partner for me in mounting, dismounting and learning lighter cueing
5. She is backing from the nose at what would be the traditional phase one--touching the hair.

Priorities

1. Time to step away from treats before she becomes a cookie monster
2. Check list for porcupine game and maybe driving for HQ??
3. Continue riding so we can be partners/on the same page/communication/connection
4. Baby oil bath? for dry coat

Interesting:

Sephira does not lose connection with me BUT she could learn to be connected and still play against me! She is curious and playful and confident. Try on the other hand can drop the connection and pick it back up quickly which is actually quite useful--when I need to focus elsewhere she can just relax and take a snooze.

Weekly goals

Horsemanship 8, Rider 8
Talent 22, Skill 22, Try 24, and Luck 25

Try
Conversation? and dwell time
Freestyle canter in western saddle
Play and experiment with cueing counter canter

Me
golden feeling - meditation and relation
mind reading and affirmations
consider fears and blog--affirmations
physical fitness -- pilates for riders dvd

Sephira
Check list for porcupine
Check out driving HQ?? experiment
Ride walk and careful trot

Monday - Hot weather arrives - Lovely day with Try and Sephira

Try:

We rode

good stuff

1. Was she ready for a conversation? yes
2. We took our time and acknowledged the heat, rested in the shade.
3. HQ yields were good on the ground and riding
4. She offered vertical straddle of pole
5. mount/dismount/bridling she was a great partner
6. trot is returning to free and loose

priorities

1. dealing with the heat
2. vary how we play with HQ yields
3. For me--review leg yields

Sephira:

We played out back--liberty and on line for the backup.

Good stuff

1. Ready for Conversation
2. Tons of draw
3. GREAT curiosity
4. Backing from the nose from phase 1 supported with driving
5. She has figured out the bridge from Easter egg hunt to touch it.

Priorities

1. no treats
2. my confidence/fears
3. RIDE
4. awareness of phases in porcupine games

Comments on visualization, talking to Try and Sephira and affirmations--I prepared well. I thought I would be relaxed and really enjoy just hanging with Sephira but I was nervous. Try was absolutely not in the mood to do anything because of the heat so we played at it and were actually fairly successful.

Friday: 2: 5+2

Try
We rode

good stuff
1. conversation? yes--in her stall--interested in coming to me and in going and doing something.
2. trot--yes--better and closer to the freedom of two weeks ago!
3. no objections to soft feel at the trot
4. I had a good time
5. awesome partner for the dismount--backed and sideways so I could get off onto the mounting block!

priorities for next time
1. play with porcupine and HQ at a halt on the ground to cue Try what we are lookin to do
2. find a fun game: ?? knock the cone off the barrel

Sephira
We played out back

good stuff
1. Yes she wanted to play and after it was over and she was back in her stall she still wanted to play
2. she has very expressive eyes
3. her backing from the nose was lighter and I think she is getting the idea/figuring it out
4. she enjoyed the Easter Egg hunt/touch it but I am not sure what she learned other than we don't always have to be working at something difficult and that is a great thing to learn.
5. great draw
6. lots of curiosity
7. we were both freer to just be/dwell/session mostly at liberty
Ooops that was supposed to be 5

priorities
1. go thru the check list
2. ? repeat the backup--treats and good girl, pats for right answer
3. can we give a treat for touch it??

soon
Ride and check out Cathy's saddle so I can return it.

Wednesday

Today Try and I spent time together:

5 great things.
1. The conversation--she left her hay and came to me.
2. We played the Easter Egg hunt/touch it game with treats on obstacles. She so knew the game but got confused at two obstacles thinking she needed to offer tricks before we went on to the next hunt.
3. She offered games
4. We were cleaner on the circle and I reset when asking for HQ yields on the circle
5. I got to ride!

(Note I used affirmations for the circling etc in preparation.)

Priorities
1. We have lost the glorious loose freedom in the trot: ??weather and humidity??
2. I think it would be great for relationship to pick one simple thing to sharpen up each time we get together.

Sephira--Katherine rode and I went out for a few minutes and the 3 of us hung out and visited and appreciated Sephira. Also at the end when Katherine was hanging out with Sephira in the shade, Sephira used her eyes to signal she wanted to connect so I joined them and had treats in my pocket.

5 great things
1. Sephira got a lovely break in her ride for us to visit
2. Sephira felt appreciated
3. She got a lovely relaxed physical fitness session
4. We got to hang out in the shade under the trees
5. She loved getting treats
6. She saw me and wanted me to come.

2 priorities
1. ride at a walk
2. easter egg hunt/touch it to build confidence in learning/puzzle solving

Weekly goals

Horse development 8
Rider 8

talent 24
skill 22
try 24
luck 25+

Try

• Is she interested in a conversation--dwell time
• Circling and HQ
• Experiment with loose, relaxed powerful trot--video
• Play with canter and counter canter

Me

• golden feeling
• mind reading
• confidence in the canter

Sephira

• Conversation?
• Check list--back from the nose
• Easter egg hunt (touch it) for fun and confidence in puzzle solving
• Ride for relaxation and connection at a walk.